What the Oscar Nominees Should Have Been

By Molly Boehler and Adam Taylor

The announcement for the Oscar nominees is finally out! This is an exciting time for many who look forward the awards (or a major disappointment for those who actually like good films). 2015 was a big year for films, boasting a total box office revenue of nearly $11 billion. A couple movies nearly broke records for Oscar nominations this year: The Revenant was nominated for a whopping 12 awards, followed by Mad Max: Fury Road, nominated for 10 awards. That’s very impressive, but those Oscar people could have taken at least two of those nominations and given them to some of OUR favorites. Here’s a list what WE think should have been in the running.

First off, a family classic was swept under the rug because it was released the same day as the new over-rated Star Wars film. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is the greatest movie of all time.  From the ingenious title to the underlying conflict between the lovable chipmunk and Dave (we love Dave), this film is just adorable. We were sorry to see that this well-made film was not on the nomination list. What a drag.

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Our second complaint was that Magic Mike XXL wasn’t mentioned in the list. This hot and steamy pile of abs was not only the most overwhelmingly heart throbbing creation since Magic Mike, it was also full of incredible choreography and a wholesome serving of men. We were very glad to see that the remaining Kings of Tampa go out with a bang. Along with the original cast, it was also wonderful to see Donald Glover (Childish Gambino) as Twitch and Nick the Gardener from Ellen make an appearance. Magic Mike XXL is the greatest movie of all time.

Magic_Mike_XXL_movie_poster

Now for the biggest disappointment of all. How could America commit this heinous letdown?  There was only one Nicholas Sparks adaption this year, and it was made up of the perfect proportions of gyrating hips, flashbacks, and rugged country boy. The Longest Ride was a huge ball of emotion that will make you expect too much from a relationship at the age of 17. Through lush rain kissing and intense bull-riding, this movie knocks you off your center (in a good way). The Longest Ride is the greatest movie of all time.

longest ride

To wrap up our rant, we are so over the Oscars. Their nominations really revealed the biased perspective of whoever is responsible for this mess. We are sorry to all of the other smart people who share our anger. Maybe next year, they will get their poop in a group.

We also enjoyed the movie Pixels. It is the greatest movie of all time.

pixels

One thought on “What the Oscar Nominees Should Have Been

  1. These tickled my funny bone! Well Done!

    Mary Mahoney Language Arts Instructor Central High School

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