Fiction Challenge: Queen Elizabeth is Getting Older than Old

In the coming weeks, the Pine Needle is following two students, Brennan Brink and Jacob Knutson, as they engaged in a Write Off. One issues a challenge to the other in the form of a prompt and that person responds by writing it and issuing his own prompt. Brennan’s prompt for Jacob begins the series.

Brennan’s Prompt: Queen Elizabeth is still queen, and people are beginning to get suspicious.

Jacob’s story:

The digital face of Big Ben tolled 12 A.M. as fireworks reflected off its pixelated surface. It was the first day of the year 2057, and the citizens of London cheered as the fireworks ended their barrage; it was a new year, full of hope. The Londoners were primarily optimistic because it was the first year in 30 that tea had reached the shores of the U.K.

The Great Tea Shortage, or Tea Extinction, of 2027 began in 2027. It saw mass depression, dehydration, suicide, crime, and fatigue across the land. People littered the streets in search for just a pinch of tea; it didn’t matter if it was traditional Earl Grey or more exotic Panda Dung from southern China, all they wished for was a cup of tea. During this time the U.K. Parliament turned their back on the citizens and went into the shadows; they hoarded their tea and didn’t make arrangements to give out rations. They worked in the darkness, carrying out multiple tea stings across the land to add to their catch.

Ultimately the Great Tea Shortage or Extinction of 2027 was set off by a multitude of reasons. The most monumental factor was the major tea producers around the world refusing to export tea; they wanted to keep it for themselves and see the snobby English squirm. The second major cause was that the U.K. scientists, multiple times, tried to produce a gmo green tea strand that would grow faster than stench in a trolley on a hot summer’s day. In the end this experiment failed, but during production one of the scientists cut his finger and his DNA tainted the subject. This, in turn, created a tea plant that grew quickly and took on the form of a human being. It was truly frightening to see plantae walking down the streets of London, sniffing the occasional flower, and hugging the distraught trees.

But out of the darkness came a king in shining, saggy armor: Queen Elizabeth. She made a historic speech on May 1st, 2048, at the age of 121, mandating the destruction of all green tea humanoids by the remnants of her Knights Order, and fastening her defense of all Londoners. No one at the time, in their caffeine depraved stupor, questioned her age, but today, the dawn of a new day, they grew suspicious.

After the fireworks ended and politely drifted away, Queen Elizabeth, now at the age of 130, ascended the stage below Big Ben. She wore a rather large and lumpy dress, and one could not differentiate a wrinkle from her mouth or eyes, as she was simply a bundle of wrinkles. Her speech was mainly aimed at reconstructing what was lost, mainly placing importance on parks around England, specifically Hyde Dog Park just down the road, and meat packing plants around the area. The speech confused the multitude of the population present, but the questions were soon answered. As the Queen was exiting the stage her dress caught the handrail and she tripped down the stairs. No cry arose from her about her hip being broken, or her heart giving out, but instead, only barks and whimpers. From under the lump of silk, satin, and wrinkled skin, a handful of Welsh corgis shot out and scattered into the dark.

Orwell was laughing in his grave, for the animals had truly won.

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